


toxic

by atlas_oulast



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Making Out, Mild Smut, No Plot/Plotless, Office Sex, One Night Stands, Workplace Sex, technically ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24958888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlas_oulast/pseuds/atlas_oulast
Summary: Zoey can’t deal with her grief in a healthy way, so she chooses to deal with it in possibly the least healthy way available to her.
Relationships: Zoey Clarke/Leif Donnelly
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	toxic

**Author's Note:**

> this,,, is technically smut. technically. t e c h n i c a l l y. descriptions are very light and the actual horizontal tango isn’t very much but. yeah. be warned.
> 
> heart song in this is toxic by britney spears (are you surprised tho)

Zoey hated Leif more than anything else in the world.

His ‘all I do is win’ attitude (Joan’s quote, not hers), his blatant disrespect and disregard for her, how he probably hated her back, how he was probably plotting to steal her job and get her fired in some embarrassing way, his barely adequate work ethic, and also, she didn’t particularly love dealing with his love life.

So why in the _fuck_ was she kissing him?

By doing this, she’d lost a bet with Max that he was secretly gay. Actually... he still might be gay, just in denial, or something. Cause if he was gay, this didn’t have to mean anything.

She wished for a moment that _she_ was gay, not bi, because then this wouldn’t have to mean anything.

This was so, so, _so_ fucked up. He was her _subordinate_ , he wanted to steal her job and probably had some sort of diabolical vendetta against her. He could get her fired with this.

So why did it feel so _good?_

He pressed her against the tiled wall of the men’s bathroom, and she tilted her head, getting new leverage against him. It felt so... so... she didn’t even know.

The series of events that had led to this was simple: Simon was mad at her because she wasn’t expressing her feelings to him and letting him help with her grief (maybe she deserved his help and maybe she needed it, but she was stubborn, like a thorn, when she had her mind set on someone _not_ helping her). 

Max was mad at her, for a mixture of reasons, she didn’t even know what. She couldn’t bring herself to go into her mom’s house, or text her, because she didn’t want to face the music- metaphorical or not. Mo was off visiting Eddy in Bermuda, where the cruise he was performing on was taking a break for three days, so she couldn’t talk to him, her brother currently hated her guts because she wouldn’t go babysit their mom or whatever it was, and she wasn’t exactly about to confide in Emily, or, heaven forbid, Tobin.

Actually... backtrack. She would’ve rather opened up to Emily, even though she would’ve felt bad about it, because Emily was dealing with her husband’s grief and a newborn. She would’ve rather opened up to Joan about it, sat in her mansion, drank martinis, and fucked shit up. She would’ve rather vented to _motherfucking Tobin,_ the absolute bane of her existence.

Well... he _was_ the absolute bane of her existence. Leif had just been a distraction, an annoyance... and now he was kissing her hard against the bathroom wall.

An adrenaline high buzzed in her brain as Zoey felt Leif grab her wrist and pin it against the wall. Which was really, really hot. Even if it felt ~~wrong~~.

“God, Leif,” Zoey moaned breathlessly almost involuntarily, when they broke apart for air. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye, merely staring at his lips, swollen from all the kissing. She wanted to bite them. Make them bleed. Make him squirm.

What the _fuck_ was she doing? What the _fuck_ was she _thinking?_

“You shut up... I don’t want to be bossed around right now,” Leif said seductively.

“You fuck off,” Zoey breathed, closing the gap between them again. She parted her lips slightly against his, and he pressed her so hard against the wall she saw stars.

Zoey was having a _terrible_ day. Her and Simon had had something of an argument over the way she was grieving in the morning, she had to deal with her new boss who she didn’t really like so far and who didn’t really like her, the Brogrammers or whatever the fuck they were called were being dicks over a single line of code, and Zoey had ended up beating her head into her desk until they cut it out and got to work.

She needed a one night thing, to get drunk and screw someone and momentarily forget the pain, and then she could be depressed as shit in the morning. But whatever it took to get the heavy burden of ‘everyone hating me and oh by the way my dad is dead’ off of her chest.

Production for a mobile app to go with the Chirp, as well as one for the SPRQ Watch, was in full swing, and Zoey was more than overburdened with work- partially because she took way more of the pecan pie (since pecan pie sucked) of the work than everyone else, thus giving her an excuse to stay late, thus, giving her an excuse not to go to her cold apartment alone and cry all night.

How could she cry right now, though, as Leif gripped both of her wrists now, squeezing on them so hard she’d have bruises in the morning, and she tried to pull him closer because she _needed_ this.

Zoey just needed another human being, to feel another body on hers, to remind her that she was still alive and breathing.

“God, Zoey,” Leif moaned.

“Shut up and keep kissing me,” Zoey ordered breathily.

He smiled... almost conspiratorially. Definitely seductively. It sent shivers down her spine... that she kinda enjoyed. 

“You’re in no position to be making demands, Miss Clarke,” he said, his usual cool, calm, smooth exterior, shed for something very, very powerful, very testosterone, mildly BDSM?

Whatever it was... she was enjoying it.

Zoey was perfectly fine with kissing someone and having it mean nothing to either of them later but right now having it mean something... everything. At least to her.

This would never mean anything to Leif but a brief moment of power... and she was perfectly okay with that.

She’d have to tell him that it was never happening again when they were done, straighten herself out, make him agree that the two of them were never going to mention this again, and maybe she’d have enough thoughts in her overactive brain to block out the all-encompassing sadness she’d been battling in the weeks since her dad had died.

She could’ve gotten this from Max, or from Simon. Had it mean something to both of them. There would be more feeling in the kisses than just raw lust, raw _need_ for human contact, because otherwise they were going to go crazy. Or, well, Zoey was going to go crazy.

Leif was already insane. And honestly... so was she. So she was ready to get this whole shebang going.

“God... please... I need it... I need it, Leif.”

He broke away for a moment, seizing her up in his piercing blue eyes, seemingly dark with lust. She kept her buzzing wrists pinned to the wall even though he wasn’t holding them there, and looked down.

“What do you need, Zoey?” He asked, low. Cautious. Guarded... but open.

“God, Leif... I need... just _touch_ me, goddamnit!” She couldn’t just stand here with her arms on the wall, fully surrendered for him, her guard completely down. She never did this at work. She never did this anywhere near _Leif._

But if he didn’t touch her right this very instant, Zoey felt like she might disintegrate.

And so he did. He brought both of her wrists together on the wall, high above her head, held it with one hand, and pulled her hair gently with the other as he kissed her. They’d kissed so much, her lips were starting to feel numb.

“Just fucking... just... my god,” Zoey said, breaking off the kiss briefly.

Leif stared right into her eyes, and Zoey couldn’t hold his gaze for very long... she felt almost ashamed. Dirty. A brief moment of guilt.

Because she was the one who needed this and she was the one who was going to have to inform him that no matter how good she was, he couldn’t have her, this was one night and one night only.

“What?” He asked, low, dark. Brooding, almost.

“Just... I’m sorry,” Zoey breathed.

He kissed her for a brief second, soft and chaste, before pulling off of her gently, so slow she could hear their lips separate. It was a sickening feeling in her gut that felt so _right._

“Believe me... I’m not, and you aren’t either.” 

His words almost made her _afraid._. But in a way that made her want to beg for him to do something to her, anything, really. Just take control of her so she wouldn’t have to think about _anything._

If it was Max or Simon, they’d be sweet about it. They’d make her feel good and then make sure she felt good after.

She wanted Leif to turn off her brain, make her feel good for a bit, and then suffer the consequences later, feel horrible for having to rip off whatever gourmet, high end Hello Kitty Leif bandaid Leif had on, feel dirty and disgusting at home.

Zoey would get the carrot _and_ the stick.

“What do you want me to do to you?” Leif asked after another few minutes of hard kissing, and Zoey’s head being accidentally banged against the wall so many times she thought she might pass out, between that and the lightheadedness.

“God, Leif, just... just... whatever you want. Just do it.” Zoey knew she would regret it later. She _knew._

And she couldn’t bring herself to _care._

“Will do,” Leif said. He grabbed her wrists off the wall (her arms had long since fallen completely asleep and she was fine with it, helped her feel numb inside), and he pulled her out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into the meditation room.

They made no conversation, locking the door, lighting candles up on the shelves (not the ones on the floor; Zoey might’ve been about to maybe fuck someone she low-key hated, but she wasn’t going to set SPRQ Point on fire, too... not literally), they pushed the meditation cushions up against each other, so they’d have a place to... y’know. Do whatever they were doing.

As soon as all they were all pushed together, Leif half pushed, half gestured to Zoey to lay down on them, which she did. These cushions weren’t really meant for this, they were designed to be a stable place to sit, not a soft pillow you slid around on.

But it wasn’t like there was time for anyone to take anyone home, not in this state. A ride in a car, or, more likely but way worse, public transport, would force them to actually consider what they we’re about to do.

“ _Please,_ ” Zoey pleaded, looking up at Leif, her eyes pleading even more than her speech. 

She needed to forget.

In the morning she’d want to forget this, but right now, she wanted this to forget everything.

Max or Simon would have been gentle, been deliberately sexy. Leif didn’t need to, and neither did Zoey. He helped her out of her baby blue sweater, throwing it to the side as soon as it was off, Zoey praying it wouldn’t hit a candle.

Under the sweater was one of her trademark button downs, a royal purple shade, with little buttons that looked like cherries. Leif _did_ take the time to unbutton the buttons at a speed that wouldn’t risk popping one off, swatting away her attempts to undo it herself at a breakneck speed.

Finally, her button down came off and was thrown into the abyss around them, and her undershirt was easily thrown off, leaving her only in a boring beige bra. Not what she would’ve worn if she thought she was going to have a stress fuck today, but whatever. Leif didn’t seem to care.

He did stop at the bra, seeming to decide that that was a barrier they didn’t need to cross right now. Or it was because now he was pulling off his own top, a sea foam green cashmere sweater, probably painstakingly dry cleaned and ironed because he was that kind of perfectionist, now being torn off like it was Zoey’s cheap Target sweater. She was pretty sure Leif’s whole outfit cost more than hers, three times over. Even his undershirt looked pretty fancy for an undershirt.

He threw off all his various layers and leaned over, pressing a kiss to Zoey’s lips. 

Leif was topless in front of her, and she was very much okay with this. More than, even. But she couldn’t see when he was blocking her view with his piecing eyes staring right into hers that she somehow couldn’t seem to meet. 

She breathed out into his lips, and he let out an involuntary moan, deep in his throat. 

“Please,” she whispered, probably for the hundredth time that day.

He picked up her bra strap, looking at her, asking for confirmation that that was okay. Like he even needed to ask.

“Holy fuck, yes,” Zoey said, and so it was removed.

Once she was shirtless, it was all over. Pants came flying off, and then, for a moment, the two just stared at each other, breathing heavily. Taking it all in.

A heavy question rested in the almost stiflingly hot air. _Were they really doing this?_

“... _Please_ ,” Zoey asked for the final time. At least, the last time she would need to.

Leif kissed her like it was New Year’s, but the final New Year’s there would ever be. Her head pressed against the stupidly hard meditation room cushion with the force he was kissing her with, and her already pounding head seemed to sigh at her. 

But there was no going back now. Probably she wasn’t _quite_ past the point of no return, physically... but she was well over it, mentally, as she watched Leif unwrap a condom, her eyes half lidded.

Zoey couldn’t deal with her feelings in a healthy way... so why didn’t she deal with them in a very, _very_ unhealthy way that could get her and Leif both fired, and that she would surely regret in about twenty minutes or so. Depended on how fast Leif was.

And then he was looking her in the eye, asking her if she was sure, if it was okay, and then he was inside her and she had pretty much succeeded in her goal. Good news, she guessed... it certainly _felt_ good.

Zoey let out a low moan as she felt him, throwing her head back and squeezing her eyes closed. 

In the back of her head, she saw her father, somewhere in the universe, looking at her like she was insane. 

_Zoey... didn’t your mother and I teach you better?_ , he asked her. 

For half a second, she remembered to feel ashamed again.

And then Leif’s hips rolled and she heard his moan, and her own voice leaving her lips involuntarily, loud until Leif leaned up and kissed her to shut her up. She made a noise into the kiss, because the one brain cell she still had left knew better than to hand Leif a victory.

Except that this was a victory for Leif.

But in a way... in that she had accomplished her goal... it was a victory for Zoey.

 _I knew better, Dad... I’m sorry,_ she still thought, sending a silent message in her head to him, wherever he was.

Music started out in the background and Leif began to sing a song, but luckily, the only dance involved was what was going on downstairs, so Zoey could just enjoy the show.

_Baby, can't you see_

_I'm calling_

_A girl like you should wear a warning_

_It's dangerous_

_I'm falling._

“ _Good_ ,” Zoey breathed, not caring if Leif could hear her, or it was just her talking during a song to deaf ears. 

_There's no escape_

_I can't wait_

_I need a hit_

_Baby, give me it_

_You're dangerous_

_I'm loving it._

He did something with his hips and his hands at the same time that made Zoey nearly _scream_ , head thrown back against the cushions. She didn’t care who heard, she didn’t care how much her head hurt... it just felt _good._

_Too high_

_Can't come down_

_Losin' my head_

_Spinnin' 'round and 'round_

_Do you feel me now?_

“Trust me, I do,” Zoey moaned, not even tempted to close his mouth with a kiss. He was still railing her, and honestly, the song made it hotter, _somehow_ hotter than the burning lava that was whatever they were doing, so she was okay with this. More than, actually.

Though she would be diving in for a kiss the second he was done.

_The taste of your lips_

_I'm on a ride_

_You're toxic I'm slippin' under_

_With a taste of a poison paradise_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Don't you know that you're toxic?_

“Guess I am,” Zoey giggled softly.

_And I love what you do_

_Don't you know that you're toxic?_

The music kept going for a little bit, but Leif’s lyrics did not. Zoey returned to the real world, and was able to watch Leif’s real face, his real noises, as she refused to care anymore.

It was a blissful blip in time, but it eventually had to come to an end. After a blissful double digit amount of minutes that Zoey didn’t count, they finished, and the two rested, catching their breath, Leif leaning his head on her chest as he breathed heavily.

He removed himself from her slowly, and Zoey adjusted herself on the cushions, trying to find a comfortable spot that didn’t exist.

When Leif had dealt with himself, he kissed her again, chaste and soft and sweet... and... and... oh god. Oh god.

What had she _done?_

That was not a kiss you give to someone after a one night stand that involved no romantic feelings whatsoever.

She waited until he broke off, and she sat up slowly, collecting herself.

“You... you can’t ever tell anyone that we did that, Leif,” Zoey gasped, still short on air.

He nodded. “Course not. I’m not stupid... but... I really, really liked that, Zoey.”

She could tell him exactly how much she liked it, too. But.

“This... this is unprofessional. You’re my subordinate, and this could be used as blackmail against us, or get us both fired... we... we can’t ever do that again.”

She was hoping- no, _praying_ that Leif would share the same sentiment. Just nod and they could get dressed and be on their way.

But he didn’t. He looked at her, a look she couldn’t decipher.

“Leif?”

“That... so what are we, Zoey?” He asked quietly.

She opened her mouth to answer, and then shut it. “No... no.. we shouldn’t have ever done this. This is so, so bad..”

“Does it help your mental breakdown cease if I say I had a really good time, Zoey?”

Zoey stood up and started dressing herself. Suddenly, this room felt entirely too hot...in the wrong way.

Leif stood up slowly, getting his own clothes on, as well.

Fully clothed, the two stared at each other, both trying to figure out what to say.

Zoey, for her part, just wanted to press him up against the wall and kiss him hard one last time, but she didn’t.

“This can’t ever happen again,” she said, pretending she didn’t care.

He looked hurt... sad... betrayed. But he nodded like she knew he would, for some reason.

“I know,” he said quietly. 

They both hoped it was a lie.

**Author's Note:**

> pls validate me in the comments or in my inbox @team-zoey-has-two-hands


End file.
